(no subject)

[victormakesart]

Vic's been spending time on the spa planet, not to do spa things, but to spend time barefoot with the birds people, to meditate, and try to be less miserable.

But everytime she sees one of the little feathered kids, with their round healthy bellies, she can't help thinking about a few nights ago, the rescue mission, what was on the floor.

She's been spending a lot of time helping them garden the greens and harvest the rocks that give them the calcium that they need. But she needs another perspective, needs to get out of her head.

So she invited a military man over, someone who might know what she's going through. She doesn't want to burden Cole, Clark's been through enough, and she's sure James wouldn't even know what to say to her.

Most of the swelling has gone out of her face, now there's just a purplish bluish blotch on her right cheek. She waits.

Comments

[jarheadclan]

Jake PINs in, dressed in his usual animal hide loincloth and the various accessories that mark his accomplishments. He doesn't have as many feathers in his hair today, but there are some, woven in throughout the long braid.

"That's one hell of a shiner," he says in greeting. "Your face is almost as blue as mine."

[victormakesart]

"Yeah. I kinda brought this on myself, though. I got upset and ran into a situation where I knew I was gonna get hit, just so I could yell at someone." She toes the ground. She's in a black wifebeater and cargo pants, the bottoms of the cuffs are coated with mud and ragged, she has dirt under her nails (which are bitten down low).

[jarheadclan]

"Jesus, why not just yell at them?" He crouches down next to her, closer to eye level, those long legs folding up gracefully. His tail swishes behind him for balance.

[victormakesart]

"He was tryin' to run away. I think I'm kinda lost it. I would've let him keep hitting me, if someone hadn't intervened."

[jarheadclan]

"That was stupid. You should never go off half-cocked and without backup." He's not yelling at her though, more of a 'this is what you should learn' kind of thing.

[victormakesart]

(('I' kinda, not I'm kinda. Yayyy me.))

"I know. I know, it was just like... I was so upset, all of that got overridden. It didn't matter what happened to me, just that he heard that he was wrong, and heard it often." She gives him a gentle little nudge, shyly.

[jarheadclan]

"You can't yell at anyone if you're dead." The tip of his tail taps against her ankle, then sweeps away again.

[victormakesart]

"I know," she says, twirling her hair between her fingers. "And rationally, I mean, I agree. And I don't wanna die, I just don't care if I get hurt."

[jarheadclan]

"You should. Especially if someone's coming at you hard enough to cause this." He doesn't quite touch her face, reaching out two fingertips to indicate the dark bruise. "There's a real fine line between getting beat up or getting killed."

[victormakesart]

She nods, eyes wide, hand going to wrap around his fingers, loosely, like a baby does. "They killed a couple kids. There wasn't anything I could do for them. I just-- I wanted to punish myself as much as I wanted to punish them. For not being there. For not saving them."

[jarheadclan]

Oh, he hates hearing that. He's a big tough grunt, but he still has feelings. And losing anyone is always hard, even if you didn't know them. "Damn. I'm sorry."

[victormakesart]

"Sorry, I shoulda warned you, I just said it was a rough time, I didn't say how rough and I shoulda warned you, I just figured, um, I just...."

[jarheadclan]

"It's okay." He moves his thumb to hold her hand, those big alien hands making her seem child-sized herself to him. "I've seen a lot of people killed before. I'm more worried about you."

[victormakesart]

She holds onto his hand tightly, scootching in closer to him, feeling a little childish, and she doesn't know if it's the situation or the fact that he's so much bigger than her. "What do you do? I have kids, and, and all I can think of is their parents, their sweet little faces, the way they must've clamped onto their daddy's hand when they crossed the street, the way they must've slept in their cribs, and I'm basically, almost, a doctor, and I couldn't do anything. They were already gone."

[jarheadclan]

"You gotta let it go. If they were gone before you even got there, there really wasn't anything you could do." It's not a helpful answer, he knows, and while he can tough it out she might not be so skilled.

[victormakesart]

"If we would've gotten there faster we probably coulda saved them. Man, their faces, though. That first night I could sleep, but--"

[jarheadclan]

"But you didn't know. You can't blame yourself for them dying. The only people at fault are the bastards who killed them."

[victormakesart]

She shakes her head, swings his hand lightly back and forth. "I just wonder why I bother sometimes. Like, why keep with medicine when patients die. Why keep heroing if you can't save everyone. I never planned to have to save everyone, but now I feel like... the little I can do will never be enough."

[jarheadclan]

"You can't think that way. Those people you've saved, you made a difference to them."

[victormakesart]

"I guess," she says, running her fingertips along his knuckles. "I just don't know how to stop feelin' awful."

[jarheadclan]

"There's no one set way for everyone... and it might not completely go away. Probably won't. Is there anything you can do for them? Tell their parents, take care of the bodies...?"

[victormakesart]

"I don't think I can face their parents. I don't even know if their folks're still around, I think, I mean, I think the apocalypse was goin' on?"

[jarheadclan]

"Where were you?"

[victormakesart]

"A friend's home-planet."

[jarheadclan]

"Was someone attacking? What happened?" He gives her hand a squeeze, and curls his tail around to lie parallel with his foot, the tip twitching slightly like a cat's.