victormakesart | (no subject)

(no subject)

Vic's been spending time on the spa planet, not to do spa things, but to spend time barefoot with the birds people, to meditate, and try to be less miserable.

But everytime she sees one of the little feathered kids, with their round healthy bellies, she can't help thinking about a few nights ago, the rescue mission, what was on the floor.

She's been spending a lot of time helping them garden the greens and harvest the rocks that give them the calcium that they need. But she needs another perspective, needs to get out of her head.

So she invited a military man over, someone who might know what she's going through. She doesn't want to burden Cole, Clark's been through enough, and she's sure James wouldn't even know what to say to her.

Most of the swelling has gone out of her face, now there's just a purplish bluish blotch on her right cheek. She waits.

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"Yeah! Yeah, April's fellow. That was amazing. I got to be so strong, and fast, and brilliant." She sounds kind of wistful and kind of sad and kind of mournful. "It felt like... being whole."

"Yeah, that's basically how I felt the first time I got in this one," he says with a nod, and thumps his hand against his bare chest. "It's a hell of a thing."

"Yeah. I miss it." She chews down at the bottom of her lip. "Being amazing, I mean. And so strong and so capable, and beautiful and right."

"Yeah?" He tilts his head as he listens.

"What'd he think about it?" Getting in an avatar isn't the same, there's no switch of consciousness. You're transmitting into an empty body, basically. An unconscious creature of pure instinct, if anything.

"He was in my body, and in a large amount of physical pain. He had to be careful in my body. I felt really bad for him. He definitely got a rotten trade."

"Yeah, no offense, but I wouldn't wanna do that either. My old body sucked enough."

"Yeah. I don't blame you. My body sucks a lot."

"Ever think about upgrading for keeps?"

"I'm... attached to my imperfections. I've grown fond of my scars. The things that make me ugly. I'm proud of them. The pain, though, the weakness, certain other things, I wouldn't mind givin' that a shift."

"You should have a talk with some of the eggheads from my old Earth. They can fix most of that. I don't got a way to get back though, and chances are I'd be shot on sight, but it'd be nice if you could."

"Yeah, I'm thinkin' of getting cortisone injections or something to maybe cushion the joints. And I think I'm about as strong as I can get, you know? But I'd love to be stronger. I feel like... maybe like goin' somewhere else would be cheating. I'd feel... guilty, maybe. I've lived so long with it."

"What, and that means you shouldn't take an opportunity if it comes up?" He pokes her lightly in the shoulder.

"That's not it. It just seems too easy. I feel like I don't-- hm. I don't deserve things to be that easy for me. Why do I deserve to be pain free more than anyone else?"

"Nobody deserves the shit that fate deals us. Well. Except those like Quaritch, and Selfridge, who bring it on themselves. But your body breakin' down on you? Why do you think you deserve that?" He's no shrink, but he's dealt with plenty of battlefield guilt - why did I live while the guy next to me died, why did our unit get lucky and miss the IED when the truck behind us lost everyone - and he figures that qualifies him to say something.

She has to think it through as she says it, lips pursed in a small frown. "I don't feel like I deserve the pain, I just don't feel like I deserve... redemption, I guess, is the word. No one else deserves to hurt all the time. So why do I get to pop to the future and get it fixed?"

His tail lashes from side to side a little bit, and his ears twitch back for a moment. "Look, you like helping people, right? You can do a hell of a lot more when you aren't struggling against what your own body's doin'. And you're not the only one who gets that kinda chance, believe me."

"I do," she says. She rubs at her arm, stretches her shoulders this way, that way. "I agree. It's just hard for me to wrap my head around."

"I've known plenty of Marines who've gone through the same kinda thing. You gotta soldier through it. Take help when you can get it, but don't let people tell you what you can't do."

She offers him a weak (but genuine) smile, hugs onto him. "Thanks. I'll definitely do my best."

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