victormakesart | (no subject)

(no subject)

She can't go anywhere else. It's too late at night and the kids are sleeping and she can't go to Cole like this and she wanted to go to James with this because she knows he'd let her go off the deep end. He'd let her break. He's been waiting for her to break for years. And maybe that's why she presses Clark's number and not James'. Or maybe it's because her finger slips off of James' speed dial. Either way, there she is, outside the door.

She tries to make a fist to knock, but her knuckles are bruised and her swollen fingers won't close. So she whispers, "Clark," knowing that he'll hear her.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"It won't fix anything," he tells her, hoping to get through to her. "I know what it's like. I've been there before. But all it does is put it off. It won't make it any easier to deal with."

"I know it won't. I just...." She clenches her fist loosely even though it hurts like she stuck her hand in a jellyfish tank. Maybe because it hurts. "I can't do anything. What can I do against sickness? What can I do against cheats? I hate... I hate... I don't know what I hate."

"You hate being helpless." He understands this, too.

"Exactly. And I already am. So what does it matter if I get shitfaced?" Another sign of her loss of control; she's usually all 'gosh' and 'golly' and while she thinks in profanities sometimes, she restrains herself.

She doesn't want to listen to reason, to why it would benefit her not to get drunk. So he appeals to her sense of caring about others. It might be a little bit of a low blow, but he doesn't know what else to do. "Because it'll hurt me to see you like that."

Her expression turns off in the scary way it does sometimes. "Emotional manipulation," she says, flatly. "That's acceptable."

He didn't really expect that she wouldn't call him out on it. But it's kind of frightening to see her just... shut off. "It's still true." One last point, maybe. "Besides... we don't keep alcohol in the house. I can't get drunk and neither can April."

"It's true, and that's why it was okay to use that tactic. If it was a falsehood I'd've gotten cross. I was worried about that, yeah," Victor says. "It wouldn't make sense for you to keep any here."

Well that's... at least slightly reassuring. "We do, however, have coffee," Clark says. The coffeemaker is likely done percolating by now, so he fetches two mugs.

The wind is out of her sails, and her expression stays that blank flat. She feels herself pulling away... knows that it's her defense mechanism, and doesn't like it. "I let myself get false hope today," she says, softly. "As mad as I am at the Three, I'm just as angry with myself for trusting them."

"You did nothing wrong," Clark insists. He doesn't force her to take one of the mugs, just sets it down in easy reach. "They didn't give you a chance to even ask."

Edited 2014-09-23 01:26 (UTC)

"I-isn't it reasonable if someone says that they're gonna do you a favor, to figure that they're gonna give you an option? Especially if they're magical?" She's thawing, she takes the coffee mug in her hands and just breathes it in.

"Absolutely. That's what a favor is. Otherwise it's just a gift... or payment, I guess, if you did something for them." Clark holds his own mug and takes a sip.

"We did. I woulda did it for nothing, except... they said. I feel like I'm being so childish, I just can't stand feelin' so helpless. I... I wanna break things." Speaking of, she has to put the mug down. It hurts her hands too much to hold it up.

Clark tries not to be a mother hen, but it's just so easy, and he takes a quick peek inside her hands to make sure she didn't fracture anything. "It looks like you already have been."

She has a few hairline fractures along her fingers and the tops of her hands, which explains why she's having such a terrible time using them. "Not enough."

He frowns a little and nods at her hands. "Enough that you've hurt yourself."

"It doesn't matter."

"It does to me. And the more bones you break, the less stuff besides yourself you'll be able to smash."

Edited 2014-09-23 02:11 (UTC)

"I'll heal," she says gruffly, unconcerned.

"You will," he agrees. Though he'd prefer it if she didn't have to.

"I'd anything, except the health of my friends and family, to heal Lorne. I'd give to any one of you. I know it doesn't work like that. But in a world of magic and mysteries, why can't it? Why can't I pay a price?"

"I don't know." Clark has to answer her honestly, because he doesn't have a good answer. There isn't even anything he could say that he knows she wants to hear. And it's a heartless cliche to say that life just isn't fair, even when it's true.

"How do you stop being angry?" she asks, after a long silence. "I... I want to hurt something, and that scares me. I'm not a very good person."

((Oops. Meant "I'd give anything."))

"Sometimes you don't." He wants to tell her that she is a good person, but he doesn't believe either of them is in a fit state to argue that particular point right now. "There are things I struggled to accept for years. And sometimes breaking things did make me feel better... but only for a moment."