victormakesart | (no subject)

(no subject)

I'm being sort of moodswingy, so ye be warned. I'm rather depressed, and I've been crying a lot. I've also become extra-creative to compensate. In other words, I'm a mess. An honest-to-God mess. But yeah. So if I randomly start crying...don't worry about it.

It's just happening. I can't stop it any more than I can stop being afraid of stupid phobias. They're getting worse, but I think it's just because I'm sad. I don't want to have to leave my room, because I'm terrified that I'll run into a dead something-or-other. I do, of course, leave my room anyway. But I walk the long way so I can be sure to avoid the spot where the bird was yesterday. Even though Nicole swears it isn't there anymore.

I don't think people understand how scared I am of some things. I'm not a joke! I get so scared sometimes, it makes me feel ill. It stops my thought.

I finished my first paper for "the human situation". It has to do with kleos and honor in The Iliad. I really like Achilles's shield. Homer went into four pages of visual description in the name of art. Score one for artists!

I keep thinking that I see Keenan, around campus, but that isn't possible.

I won an argument! I readily admit that my opinion is slightly skewed. But it doesn't mean I'm not right.

I'm going to see a famous poet next week. This is my pilgrimage. This is my enlightenment, my spiritual redemption. Oh my goodness I can't wait!

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"I'm sorry you've been feeling unwell lately. Would you like a hug?"

"Sure. That'd be nice."

There are hugs in Victor's future. Right now in fact!

Quite an accurate fortune teller!

Funny how that works, huh?

"It's okay to be scared of things, Victor. And it's okay to cry when you're sad."

It certainly was.

"I don't like it. I've been cryin' everyday. An' I hafta fight down th' impulse t' hide in my room."

"Nobody likes it, but we all get sad sometimes."

"Yeah. 'S no fun."

"Has anything happened to make you sad, sweetie? Has someone upset you?"

"No more 'n normal. I mean...I 'ready knew Scary Guy was havin' a baby. 'S a girl. He'd be a good dad, I think. Th' bird scared me. I've been worried, 'cause I have lotsa homework every night. Found a few new bruises an' cuts. I dunno."

She strokes Victor's hair lightly, listening to everything. "Sounds like a lot of different things all at once. That can be rough on a person. Harder than one big thing, I think, because it seems like no matter how much you fix there's always a pile more, huh?"

She nodded, and she smiled wryly when the tears that she hoped wouldn't show up didn't show up. It was like inviting a poorly behaved uncle to a wedding. Everyone's sort of relieved when they have other arrangements. "Yeah. 'Ve been writin' lists t' help with that. Tryin' t' manage my time. Keep from panickin'."

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vicioussweetie.livejournal.com - 2006-09-08 07:04 (UTC) - Expand

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victormakesart.livejournal.com - 2006-09-08 15:07 (UTC) - Expand

"I'm scared of the dead people too, but I'd rather see them than not come here at all."

"Dead is scary, whether they move or not. Anythin' dead, really."

"I don't think there are stupid phobias. If you're scared of something, it's something scary." He smiles slightly. "Anything I can do to help?"

She shrugged. "Guess so." And here, audience, is where you take your collective gasps. Too depressed to argue! Who'd've thunk it? "Nah. Thanks, though."

"Are you all right?" He gives her a worried look.

"Yeah. Things'll be fine."

"If you say so." He, however, doesn't sound certain.

Another shrug. "Just moodswingy."

"Well, how should we go about cheering you up, then?"

She shrugged. Wow, that was a lot of shrugging. "Dunno. I c'n just let it run its course."

"No, that won't do at all. Come on, I'll fix you a cuppa tea."

"'Kay. I'll be helpful, then?"

"Well. You might at least be able to shake those doldrums of yours. Tea's wonderful for that, you know."